Brain melt

Mondaytuesday

It’s a little scary how warm it was today. I had a sweater, but hardly needed it.

Yesterday was a crap shoot for productivity. I sent out Very Important Emails to a client for information we needed ASAP and got it – after work hours (of course). Today was more of me frantically trying to get information and things done, but everyone else not doing anything because they were too distracted by the giant bright orb in the sky. We’ve not seen it in a while. I had a few meetings this afternoon, which left me dizzy with information and no way of dealing with any of it because – oh look – it’s already 5:30 and what happened to today (as I finally hit “send” on my report)? I have a sinking feeling it’ll be like this all week.

Part of me wonders if I’m taking it all too seriously or if I’m hitting the Corporate Wall where Things Take Time for the simple reason others don’t take their jobs as seriously, thereby slowing down the process. I don’t want to be complacent about it because that’s not helping me nor the company.

Is anyone else on the east coast kinda freaked out by the weather this winter? We’ve had a ton of rain, which should have all been snow. On top of that, we’ve had crazy warm days peppered in to a weirdly cold and dry winter season in general.  During any week we’d have freezing temps and then a chance of snow, but the temperature would shoot up to 60 and we’d get rain for two days, which would’ve equated to 4 feet of snow otherwise, and then we get freezing weather again a day later. It was 70 today and going to be warmer tomorrow – in February. What?

My skin is itchy now no matter what due to this winter being so dry. I keep looking at sweaters, but my skin crawls at the thought of having to wear them. I think I’m ready for linen season.

 

 

Not enough time

WednesdayThursday

Wednesday was full of anxiety and stress. At 9 am in the morning I realized I was overwhelmed at work and felt as though I was drowning under the weight of what I had to do. Then something interesting happened.

A guy walked in while I was on the phone. He leaned up on the counter and when I got to him he asked for me. I affirmed I was the person he was looking for and he handed me a white paper bag. At first, I thought it was someone’s lunch being delivered, but then  wait… why would he ask for me? And why is the bag so small? I looked at him confused and he said, “scary, huh?” and walked out of the building.

WHAT?!

I opened the bag and inside was one cupcake.

My husband had used Uber Eats to ask a nearby bakery to deliver me a cupcake for Valentine’s. The hilarity of the whole situation hit me and I burst out laughing and ate the cupcake and realized I could get through the day.

A project I was supposed to be working on and had zero to show for it because I was having trouble getting help was due to a client for general information later in the day. Luckily, we exhausted the client trying to set up new delivery dates that he didn’t even want to talk about the project, but I gave him an update of “we’re still working on it”, which is true! I also finished another large project for another director and felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

Today I got a lot done and made much more headway on several projects I needed to update. I came home and had a drink because my boss and I affirmed what’s to happen in the next couple months with my position and transitioning to the new role, which meant getting someone to take on the admin responsibilities I have yesterday ASAP. This makes me very happy to finally be moving out of that realm and into something much more substantial.

I started dinner after I made my drink and totally forgot to take my photo until my husband got home so Z took it for me. He said I had to hold my drink. He tried to get Yuki in the photo but she jumped down just as he snapped it. Typical cats for you.

Tonight, we are going to see Black Panther with several friends and I will be exhausted, but happy tomorrow.

What day is it?

Monday

Banana Republic sweater, Sacai Luck pants.

I’m exhausted and slightly confused today. I hardly got any sleep because the Eagles won the Super Bowl (not that I give two fucks about it) and the fucking neighbors kept me up half the night setting off fireworks. I get it, they won. Big fucking deal now can these annoying twats stop and think for two seconds of the children and other adults who are being responsible and going to bed at a decent hour and would like to actually get rest before starting the work week? Ugh. I’m so glad we don’t live in the city anymore.

Today at work was… weird. A manager “retired” suddenly (awkward!) and another employee who was on leave decided not to come back (but I was prepared for that). I was so busy I was in a daze most of the time. The whole schedule for the current audit got thrown out of whack as well because, get this – they are adjusting the schedule around the fucking parade for the winning football team later this week.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck.

Of course I was in charge of making most of these changes, so adding that to my landslide of current work made for my being a greatly disgruntled employee today.

Z suggested I take the OOTD photo with the doll because he thought it was funny. He actually took the photo himself.

There were other things I wanted to say, but I’m so drained right now I can’t focus on anything so I’ll just throw in some photos I took over the weekend.

wafflebreakfast

Saturday breakfast. Z makes us waffles sometimes from scratch with a waffle iron he got when we moved into the house. The blueberry sauce is also homemade from blueberries we picked at a local orchard over the summer. We usually pick a gallon or so and then freeze a lot of them to have throughout the year.

dolldoll

Upper doll photo is from Saturday and the lower one was from a few weeks ago. I came home from work and found it like that at my desk.

 

Auuuuugggghhh

You know that sound Charlie Brown makes, when he tries to kick the football and Lucy steals it away at the last second? He lets out a yell and you can tell it’s a mixture of frustration at what happened, but also knowing it was going to happen anyway? That’s been my week thus far. And it’s only Tuesday!

Tuesday

Sweater from Yesstyle, Grana jeans.

Boring outfit is boring – in photo. My boss actually complimented me on it and was shocked I was wearing jeans. I wondered what rock he’d been under.

I completely forgot to take my outfit photo yesterday. I’m still stressing out a little over the changes happening at work and yesterday I got home and immediately changed into workout clothes without thinking. I was halfway done with my workout when I remembered.

I’ve been having a lot of those, “wait…..what?” moments. This whole month I’ve been good about not spending any money (just a couple movie tickets and an affogato) and I kept saying to myself: Ok, don’t spend until February. Then I’ll look at my credit card balance and check if my predictions for discretionary spending were on target so I can set up a proper budget for shopping. And before I knew it, it’s almost February and I’ve not had two minutes to really think about spending because I’ve been so busy. Plus, I’ll need to reassess my expenses again because this month saw me being offered a 20% raise and new position. Wait… what?

I’ve been a nervous wreck the past week and a half because I knew this was coming. It’s not as if I wasn’t prepared for it, but A) this is a whole new set of responsibilities that I really need to step up my game for and B) my new numbers would affect my choice of benefits program now that I’m eligible and the deadline is February 1st – hurry the hell up, where is my paperwork, BOSS!? (No worries now, got it taken care of – finally.) My biggest worry currently is being properly trained. When I first started working for this company, I had someone sit with me and teach me everything. Now, I’m having to scramble and search for the information myself. I do have plenty of help from some people, but the main ones who could train me best are the busiest and already being pulled in 20 different directions. I’m trying to do what I can with what resources I know I have right now, but it’s still very piecemeal.

One of the directors told me she’s really glad I’m doing so well and I’m very much needed there. She said I’m a “go-getter” and I corrected her. I’m not a go-getter at all. There’s nothing I want to go get at the company and if it came down to that, I’d probably fail. However, I have a good work ethic and sense of responsibility. If I’m going to be paid well to do a job, I need to make sure I’m proving that it was worthwhile to put me in that position. That is what I’m afraid of most – not being able to prove that I’m worth what I’m being paid to do. I’ve worked at plenty of places where I’ve been severely underpaid and know that I should demand more for what I’m doing. Now, I’m in the opposite position of being given a lot more than I was expecting and it’s making me panic, wondering how I’ll get the information I need to do the job well. My new position is very similar to other ones I’ve done in the past. It’s essentially customer service work. However, before I was mostly working in retail. Now I’m working for a corporation where the “customer” is another company and losing one of them could mean losing tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars instead of just a couple hundred or a couple thousand. I understand that the amount of money I’m being paid correlates to the amount of responsibility I have to keep these customers happy because of how much they are spending with our company. But it’s all still very new to me and I think my little freak outs lately are keeping me centered and anxious to do as much as I can as quickly as I can.

I don’t even know if what I just wrote makes sense, but it’s cathartic to write it out. Z just asked if I want to play more Zelda and my attention span and focus for this post just disintegrated. When do I want to play Zelda? ALWAYS.

 

Stress

Wednesday
Everlane sweater, Yohji Yamamoto pants.
Thursday
Everlane tee, Limi Feu sweater, Grana jeans.
Friday
Uniqlo flannel, Land’s End cardigan, Grana jeans.

This has been a week.

Wednesday was my 3 month review with my boss and we officially discussed my changing roles. Basically, his department is severely understaffed and he’s been nudging me (ok, more like throwing me in the deep end of a pool, which he finally admit to) to move into it as customer service support. To his credit, he asked me what I was interested in doing and was willing to listen to me. If I didn’t want it, he wouldn’t push any more and go hire someone. He’s totally fine with my staying in the admin role and only helping him out with one client. However, I do have a long history of customer service in my resume and know what he’s setting me up for. The only major hurdle for me is understanding the software program so I can get the answers I need in a more timely manner. I also knew going into this new role would mean a rather large pay raise. I admit I was much more interested in a different area of the company, however, I also recognize how much the company needed a customer service role right now and although it’s not my favorite area, I can do it.

We discussed my transition period and my receiving dedicated training and take on more clients – until we find my replacement for the admin role. After that I will go full time (I think the title would be Customer Liaison, but I’m not sure) into my new role and handle more accounts.

After that meeting I had some time to do work and we had another meeting with the client I’ve been working with over the past month.

Thursday I had a meeting with our marketing company. The woman I took over for in the admin role is on maternity leave, but her coming back now is a 50/50 coin toss as far as I’m concerned so I’m preparing myself for having to take over marketing as well for the time being. I spent the rest of the day Thursday looking through the software program and asking everyone in engineering about operations.

Today I was a little busy this morning but by noon I didn’t have much to do and the general stress of the week finally let go and suddenly was so drowsy I couldn’t stop yawning and had a terrible time staying awake.

I’ve been full on exhausted all week. I don’t sleep well during the work week because I have sleep anxiety. I must be in bed by a certain time because my mind then does a count down of how much time I have left before the alarm goes off and it sets a mini panic mode in me. So sleep during the week is generally bad and then I crash on Friday and Saturday nights. The added stress of having my review and knowing I’m transitioning into a role with many more responsibilities over the next couple months has wreaked havoc on me mentally. It’s not a bad thing, but more like stressful excitability.

I’m one of those people who always look for the end game and I’ve already been looking at the logistics of what the major problems areas are in the company that pertain to my role and how I can overcome them. To a degree, this may mean trying to work around/over someone who has been in the company for a very long time because to be frank about it: he’s fucking shit at his job and his duties are crucial to many areas of the company as a whole. Everyone complains about this guy and he’s been moved from one role to another just to get him out of the way and put him in an area where he’s the least destructive. Why not fire him? Well…. that’s a whole can of worms I can’t get into but let’s just say certain people are bound by familial connections and those connections demand this asshole be take care of.

Aside from this annoyingly huge obstacle, most everyone else I’ve worked with and will be working more closely with in the company has been beyond amazing. This is the most corporate company I’ve ever worked for and I wasn’t expecting much, but I’ve been bowled over by the amount of help and support I’ve received. It’s truly awe-inspiring that so many people will stop to answer my questions and never complain nor chide me or tell me to go get the answer elsewhere. I’ve never been in a work environment where everyone truly supports each other so much. I hate to use the term family because I’ve always found that to be cliche and ridiculous since not many people really talk to each other outside of work, but while in the office, there is a close-knit togetherness that is truly endearing.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I work for a medical component manufacturing company. The components we make are used in surgery for spine and joint support/correction. I mostly work in the office, but there is a factory connected to the business office and every employee is required to wear PPE (personal protective equipment): safety glasses and non-slip shoes. I have a pair of non-slip clogs I put on occasionally when I need to hand out paperwork to the people on the shop floor or find out a status of part production. I do take off my boot for the times I go out on the floor, but in general I hand off stuff to other people I know will go out there. Many of them don’t mind at all and know I’m trying to stay off my leg while I’m wearing the boot.

As my new role progresses, I might end up sharing office space with people on the shop floor since that’s where I need to find out the most information for the clients.