Making an effort

sunday
Uniqlo top, Rachel Comey lure pant. 

Each time I do outfit photos I have to set up the tripod. No photo is the same because I have to move some furniture out of the way to set up the tripod and then take few shots. After taking a few for today I had gotten some full photos and seeing my face in them had me thinking: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I LOOK SO OLD! The lighting wasn’t flattering to my skin tone or the angle it was on my face. I haven’t washed my face or done my hair yet today. I have epic bedhead because of how I sleep and my hair is extremely short, so it spikes up in odd places and looks like something tried to nest in it – for a week. But more than that, my face. The lines, the creases, the dark under eye circles…. “My poor husband” is all I could think. He’s 9 years younger than me. We started dating when he was barely 20. I’m not one to base my looks on others’ opinions, but if there is someone who I do make the effort for and want to look nice for – it’s my husband. So getting older and it starting to show is something I’ve always struggled with.

I might sound shallow and narcissistic for saying this, but when I was younger I was always told how beautiful I am. In college, “Jen has the perfect body” was a common refrain among my friends. I won’t deny some of it went to my head. Vanity is unavoidable. Everyone likes being told they are beautiful and given compliments. This was before my metabolism went *poof- bye-bye* and before my skin tone became sallow (thanks genes from my mother’s side) and the lines showed up on my forehead and around the edges of my mouth. Knowing I am getting older and these symptoms will only get worse with age  sucker punches me in the gut emotionally. For the longest time I was even told I look ten years younger than I really am, but I’ve not been hearing that as often as I used to. This sounds so terrible to admit, or is it? I’m being brutally honest with myself here – not hearing things I’ve always heard in the past has had some affect on me now that I’ve noticed the silence.

I am trying to keep myself in shape – or rather, get myself back into shape. During my 30s I ballooned out a bit and now have The Roll around my stomach that is so hard to get rid of. The weight is down – that part is done, but reshaping the body is a whole different matter. Part of me wonders if wearing skinny low-rise jeans exacerbated the problem. Is there any research on that? You know, muffin top syndrome? I totally had it.

This is not at all what the title of this post was supposed to be about! I had originally meant I’m making more of an effort to take care of my clothes and to get dressed on the weekends when I know I’m not doing anything (like today) and it somehow devolved into some seriously depressing, navel-gazing pity party about aging!

Ice and relativity

Monday

Monday: Limi Feu sweater, Under Armour long sleeve, Rachel Comey pants. I drove home early from work because a nasty ice storm hit that late afternoon/evening. Look at the nice natural lighting in this photo! I also moved where I was so I wasn’t against the dark curtains. I do have on my workout leggings underneath the RC pants. It was one of those days where wearing my workout clothes under my regular clothes helps me get down to the cold basement to work out. Wednesday

Wednesday: Banana Republic sweater, Everlane pants. I skipped Tuesday’s photo because I was in a very bad state. My boss gave me a project to work on… that’s actually more like a department position transitional move… It depends on how well this goes plus several other factors in play. I think he’s pushing me to join the Business Development team, but I’m not sure yet. Either way, this new project has me working with clients more and I honestly feel like I’m being thrown in the deep end of the pool and told to swim. He’s also not that great at give direct orders, which is what I need. He’s more of a casual conversationalist and then assumes you’ll know what to do. Nope. Not me. Not at all. So I didn’t get the work done he told me to because 1 – I had no clue on how to do it and 2 – I wasn’t entirely clear on what his directive was for me. At the end of the day he and I sort of “argued” (more like confused banter about who said what and who assumed what) about it and I went home feeling like I’d failed at some BIG but I couldn’t tell what because I had no clue. Just before I left work several other coworkers and mangers assured me it wasn’t me. Not entirely anyway. Wednesday, we met up and I learned how to assert myself with him and stop him in his tracks when I needed a clearer explanation on things. I’m a very linear person when it comes to what I need to know and how I need to know it. He’s the exact opposite, but because he’s the one showing me this new stuff I had to put my foot down and stop him before he veered too far off track. I also scheduled lots of little tutorials throughout the day with people more knowledgable about the software I’d be using for this work. So Wednesday was super busy, but much better.

Thursday

Thursday (today): Everlane sweater, Rachel Comey pants. Today felt downright warm compared to what it’s been over the past several weeks. That’s really sad considering it was only in the 40s. Tomorrow will be a heat wave in the 60s!

Since working on this new project at work I’ve had my head a-buzz with new things and felt confused, drained, and fuzzy all week. I’m glad for the opportunity, but I can tell it will definitely challenge me. I’ve only been there for just over 2 months and it feels as though I’ve been working there forever and am now learning something new. The work culture there is great. Even though it’s a much more corporate environment than what I’m used to, my coworkers are super helpful. It feels more communal and friendly than my last job, which was about as laid back as you could get.

There were many other things I wanted to write about in this post, but now they all feel like things that can go in their own – mostly because I need to develop my thoughts on them more. I don’t schedule out posts nor do I have drafts. I’m always just sorta winging it with this because I never wanted to be too serious with it.

So tonight will be spent watching new season anime I need to catch up on and maybe playing more Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Last night the hubs and I played the first major dungeon of the game, but it wasn’t too terribly hard. Considering the challenges in it though, I have a feeling this is just a teaser to many more that will be infinitely more difficult. Yikes.

 

Snow day

The alarm went off and instead of snoozing I knew I’d either have to scrape a little snow off my car (might as well get up now so I have time to do it) or I’d get to go back to sleep. I walked downstairs to get a street view. Nope. Not happening. It was so dark out with so much snow blowing it looked like it was still 3 am out there. I crawled back into bed with my phone and no sooner than I pulled up my boss’s contact info, I got a text from him not to bother coming in today. Back to sleep for another two hours. Bliss.

Got up again. Z was already awake and fed the cats. He’s working from home today and able to catch up on a lot of work. He said today would be a good day to play Zelda, but he’s better off doing what work he can at home. His new job inundates him every single day and he needs help getting it all done. Peace and quiet at home for him to get things organized will greatly help. I make a hot breakfast and play Animal Crossing Pocket Camp.

snow day

Candles lit, heat blasting, mugs of hot tea, my wool blanket and video games. That is the extent of today’s agenda. I’ve heard the plows go by 5 times already. The wind is so strong now it blows all the snow back onto the the street in minutes. We were only supposed to get 4 or 5 inches of snow max, but it seems like we may get more. Note to self: double layer clothing tomorrow – it’ll be annoyingly cold.

tuesday

Tuesday: Everlane black long sleeve, Limi Feu sweater (gift from Z for xmas), Yohji pants. I put up different curtains before the holidays and while they’ve given the living room a nice color lift, they’re not doing my outfit photos any favors. I may have to find a different area of the house to do them until the daylight savings changes and I get more natural light again. wednesday

Wednesday: Banana Republic button down and grey cashmere sweater (gift from mom for xmas), Rachel Comey Lure Pant.

The Limi Feu sweater, BR sweater and RC pants are all new and (aside from one item currently on it’s way) the last items I bought in 2017. I don’t plan on buying any clothes for quite a while. I don’t really plan on buying much of anything for a long time.

I was shocked when I got the Limi Feu sweater, considering how expensive it was. I have some used designer clothes on my Amazon wishlist – I found through Japanese discounters – they aren’t on Amazon. I put them there for my reference more than anything else. The sweater is wool and linen and kept me quite warm on Tuesday when I was back in a freezing cold office. The heat was off over the holidays. The BR sweater is also very warm, but the V on it is so low my neck and chest were getting cold! The RC Lure Pant was a gift to myself. They went on sale, twice, and I jumped at the second time the price lowered. They are very high waisted (almost at my bra when I sit down) and low crotched and baggy and extremely comfortable. They look like worker pants in a way and I want to pair them now with my 45rpm clothes. They are very long as well, but I prefer the dorky look of cuffing them up high versus getting them hemmed. I’ll be wearing them a lot this winter along with the Sacai pants.

Upping my workout routine and tracking my reps again with what few exercises I can do while in the boot. My pull-ups are atrocious so I’m focusing on doing more of those. Started on December 30th and when January 1st rolled around my arms were cursing me, but I forced myself to work out. Now my core muscles are cranky with me. I need to look up some more stretching exercises to do post work out.