4 months, 1 shoe


For 4 months one shoe (right) has been on my foot and the other (left) has been in a box. Btw, the heel of the shoe above is falling off now at the very bottom layer.

I kinda knew I wanted to do a comparison post when I first bought these shoes. Ideally, I’d wear the one during boot time and then be able to wear both afterwards. That’s…. not so much something I want anymore.

I bought these shoes because of the platform on them. The shoe I wore allowed me to be evenly balanced while wearing the medical boot. I still hobbled about a bit, but at least I felt more stable being on the same walking plane.

To give an idea of just how much I relied on this shoe, here’s a breakdown of every day, including weekends:

  • Wake up, get dressed and put on shoe and boot.
  • Wear both all day at work with the exception of times I had to take off both and put on my non-slip shoes for going out on the shop floor. I tried wearing the boot once on the shop floor and terrified myself. I seriously thought I was going to fall and break both my legs.
  • Change into workout clothes on M, W, F and put back on shoe and boot to exercise in – I would take it off for doing push ups because the pointy toe end wasn’t very stable for that.
  • During evenings I’d put my feet up on the sofa or a pouf and only take off the shoe.
  • The only other time the shoe was off was during showers or at night when I’d wear a different brace to sleep in.
  • Weekends: wake up, dressed (sort of) and put on shoe and boot.
  • Again, only time I take it off when either lounging, showering or sleeping.

I lived in this shoe constantly.

Pros of this shoe:

  • It made me feel stable and more balanced.
  • It works well with the majority of my wardrobe.
  • It is easy to take on and off in a second, which is what I wanted.

Cons of this shoe:

  • The break-in period was awful. I’m not used to wearing shoes that pinch my toes together because I’d been wearing so many barefoot styled shoes beforehand. I feel as if I’ve cramped my toes together completely during these 4 months.
  • Wearing thick socks to keep my ankles warm was painful until the shoes stretched out a bit. This also goes along with the break-in period. Not good.
  • After the beginning of the second month a squeak developed in the forefoot area of the shoe and no matter what I’ve done it will not go away. The boot already sounds awful – like someone running around in a diaper due to the padding for my leg and all the velcro straps moving around. Adding a squeak to it on the other shoe has made wearing both boot and shoe highly annoying for me every. single. day. I made a joke with a coworker I’m the walking Squeaky Diaper and we laughed, but I think part of my anger and grumpiness is due to this damn squeak in the shoe.
  • It’s not great to wear in cold weather and has zero traction, just like the boot. I’m basically in ice skates during inclement weather. Big, cumbersome, annoying ice skates.
  • It’s also not warm at all, which is why I had to wear thick socks, but that just made the shoe more uncomfortable until I managed to stretch out the shoe, dealing with a lot of annoying pain in the process.
  • Expensive – I definitely got my money’s worth out of wearing the one shoe constantly, but I still feel a bit bitter about paying as much as I did for them and only wearing one out of the pair.

As I’m starting the tapering off period (FINALLY!) I don’t have much longer in this shoe and I’ve learned a few things from it.

  • I only like the look of platform shoes. I can’t wear them. I felt like I was tripping all over myself until I got used to it and it just wasn’t me. I know I’m not that tall, but I still need to be closer to the ground. I still trip over myself from time to time and it’s not the boot, it’s literally because of the shoe itself.
  • I hate break-in periods on shoes. This was a big reminder of why I’ve switched to barefoot style shoes or shoes that I know I won’t be fighting for a few months to feel “right” wearing. No one should have to deal with that when wearing shoes and it amazes me how women put up with it for the sake of fashion/style/their ego/prettiness/looking like that girl/ etc…. Hell, men do it too. ANYONE wearing shoes that are uncomfortable – just stop it! You’re not helping yourself look awesome if you’re in pain!
  • I will burn any shoe that squeaks! Ok, so that’s a rage response, but still, if any of my regular shoes squeak when I go back to wearing them, they are OUT!

In the end, I will not be wearing the other shoe even though it is brand new because I don’t want to look at this pair of shoes ever again once I’m done with this one. I don’t think Vince shoes are for me or maybe I need to look at their more casual ones that might have bigger toe boxes. But they all have a lift right? Hmm… nope. Never mind. No Vince shoes.


One more week

For the end of the week and into week (and even now) I’m in jeans.

I have one more full week wearing the boot. Then I can start tapering off and to be honest, I’m fucking terrified. I really want my ankle to be ok this time and I know I can’t rush the tapering period. It’s slightly stressing me out. I know what I’m supposed to do and what exercises I should do, but I’m still scared because I don’t want to mess up anything. This past week I took notice of how differently I do things now because I’ve been wearing this damn boot for so long. Some of these habits I know will not help me from a physical therapy aspect. I’ll have to really be conscious of what I’m doing, which will be difficult while at work.When being focused on other things, habits can pop up that I may not entirely be conscious of until after the fact.

Looking at the above photos made me think of how comfortable I looked and felt in those clothes. Jeans aren’t the most comfortable bottoms to wear, but they are reliable and end up as a go-to for me. So my question to myself is: am I trying too hard to wear other clothes? Some clothes I wear and while I do love them for their style and look, I somehow getting the feeling like they own me and not the other way around. So am I kidding myself in thinking I could dress that differently like I want to? I’m not sure yet.

In jaw-dropping, I-did-what-now news: I bought a while button down shirt from Everlane. White. Shirt. Who am I? It’s on the way and I always know I can return it if I don’t like it, but still…. I’m taken aback at myself. I know that news is absolutely a “ppffftt, please…” decision for many but if anyone has read this blog long enough they’ll know – I don’t do white. I also know there are a bajillion blog posts about the Quintessential White Shirt or Perfect White Shirt or Classic White Shirt and these posts go for both tees and button downs, but I am just not that person. ok, I’ll make an exception for button downs, but tees are still a nope right now. However, thinking again that maybe I’m pushing my own envelope with style too hard lately or trying to get out of the uniform phase for no other reason than… to say I can… I still want to test myself a little. So what if my uniform is jeans and button downs? I technically still have a lot of choices within that uniform range. I’m not giving up though on wearing other pants and still intend on buying the PdC ones… eventually.

I also think I’m feeling run-down by wearing the boot and this long ass winter so I’m getting grouchy for wanting to wear outfits I know will look good currently in my wardrobe, but simply don’t come across with my having to wear the boot and restriction to one shoe.

On a side note to this already stream-of-conscious rambling post (because I have no idea if it’s making sense and doubt I’ll edit it much), Elaine’s post Why a Shopping Ban is not the Solution really struck a chord with me. I get it and totally agree. The one time I was on any sort of “ban” was for a 4 year period when I was unemployed. By the end of it, when I had a stable job again and able to afford shopping for work clothes it finally hit me: I’ve not bought anything – not even socks nor underwear – for 4 years. It wasn’t a self-inflicted ban, but rather one out of necessity. So I guess that doesn’t entirely count because the idea of bans is to make yourself more conscious of what you’re doing, right? I honestly wasn’t even conscious of it, plus I was still spending money on other things because I felt shopping for clothes was too extravagant for me at the time. I know myself and feel if I deliberately put myself on a ban, it would be trying to hold back a tsunami with a few sand bags. Even if I did make it through a period of time, I know it wouldn’t change anything once it’s over because that’s not how I operate. I am conscious of what I spend money on and tend to postpone buying things all in one go so I’m not freaked out by my credit card statements. Instead, I just plan them out gradually, but even that is a very loose interpretation. Sometimes I change my mind by postponing and sometimes I just jump on it because I have an addictive personality and when I get fixated on certain things nothing will stop the OCD train.

One final totally random note: Z and I watched the latest Star Wars again last night and now I’m obsessed with wanting wear everything linen. The movie was fine, but I since I’ve seen it before I found myself paying more attention to the costuming. All the rebels were wearing muted, earth toned colors and nearly all of it was linen. It was obvious from the weaving and texture during close-up shots. There was some tencel or rayon (General Holdo’s outfit being the most obvious), but most of the rest looked to be cotton or linen. The pilot uniforms of course had plastics of some sort. The other costumes I loved were the red Praetorian Guards whole hung around in Snoke’s chamber. Lots of plastic going on there, but I loved the look of those outfits. I definitely have a duality when it comes to clothing and love the casual, relaxed natural look just as much as the tight, formal constricting look.

In favor of enough


The last photo was taken today. I put on the pants just for this photo and then took them off and put on the jeans I had been wearing beforehand and put my shoe/boot back on. I simply wanted to take a photo to show the pants I got from Uniqlo today before I wash them.

I also wanted to show the jacket I’m wearing as well. I’ve not worn this jacket in over a year (maybe even closer to two years), but I never got rid of it. For some reason, it escaped many of my KonMari purges since we’ve moved into this house. I’ve had this jacket for nearly 10 years. It’s from Old Navy and for many years I lived in it. It was the only in-between weather jacket I had that worked for spring/autumn weather. It was warm enough to wear on 50-ish days and provided just enough protection from light rain/drizzle despite being entirely cotton (canvas on the outside – not weather proof – flannel plaid inside). This jacket made sense for wearing today. It’s drizzling with a few heavy rain storms. Although the jacket is old and faded a little, it still works great and I do think it looks nice.

This jacket made me glad I didn’t purge it even though I’ve not worn it in a long time. As I drove to the mall I thought about other clothes I’d gotten rid of and somehow kinda wished I hadn’t. There was a big, black sweater I had and I still think about it. I’m really not sure why I got rid of it, but I know I was in the thick of the whole “less is more” minimalist mantra at the time. I’d read the KonMari book and we were getting ready to move and I was so proud of myself for giving away/donating/trashing so many bags of stuff we didn’t need… or did we?

Now, I really hate that “less is more” mantra. It pisses me off because I fell into it’s gimmicky trap. I got rid of things I still think about, but at the time convinced myself I could do without. I wasn’t really listening to myself – I was listening to how cool it sounded to say I could get rid of so much stuff. The reality is: less is less.

4 years ago I had 2 pairs of jeans and 1 pair of pants. Currently, I have

  • 2 pairs of jeans
  • 3 pairs of black pants
  • 2 pairs of navy pants
  • 1 pair of brown pants
  • and 2 pairs of denim pants.

Today I bought a pair of olive pants. And I still intend on buying more pants. Why?  My circumstances are a lot different now than they were 4 years ago. I’m in a job where I need to wear nicer clothes and having a variety to choose from helps me greatly. With my old job, I could wear whatever I wanted so I didn’t think about wearing more than what I had simply because I didn’t care about how I looked. Now I do care and now I want more options to choose from. It doesn’t mean I’m going to buy ALL THE PANTS, but simply enough pants to cover all seasons and allow me a variety for each.

That’s another thing I realized. I remember writing here how I wanted to have a small wardrobe that had pieces I could layer throughout the year. Um…. yeah, let’s face reality a bit. I live on the east coast and summers here get up to 100F and winters get down to -12F. I need a wardrobe big enough to accommodate those extremes. A few layers won’t cut it. I need clothes that are meant to be worn in extreme weather conditions. Sure those clothes may only get worn a few months out of the year, but they are worth it because they protect me and are necessary for this environment. Do I still have more clothes than I may actually need? Probably, but I’m tired of feeling like I shouldn’t have as much as I do. It’s like I’ve felt some sort of guilt over…. nothing. I do wear all of my clothes, so why should I feel bad for buying a little more I know I’ll add into the rotation? I don’t intend on buying clothes for the sake of buying clothes, I’m buying them because they fill a gap.

[This is really sounding like I’m writing all of this to justify today’s purchase and future purchases to myself – huh? So let’s just call it what it is – justification and writing therapy to get these thoughts out of my head. Here is the 4th wall moment. Now let’s continue….]

So, I bought a pair of pants today. I was thinking a lot about the Pas de Calais pants that are really expensive. I decided to look around at places where I’d bought clothes before and saw Uniqlo came out with a new kind of pant: a cotton/linen blend. They looked good online, but their sizing can be a bit weird for me so I drove out to the mall to try them on. They fit perfectly and the beige kind were opaque enough for me as well. Part of the reason why I don’t have light colored pants is because I wear black underwear 99.999% of the time. But the Uniqlo ones had the perfect amount of coverage and they are incredibly comfortable. I’d been looking for an in-between weather kind of pants and these fit the bill perfectly. I also like the length and I can roll them up when it gets warmer and make them look a little better with different shoe combinations. I was shocked at how much I really liked these pants. When I saw these in the olive color I knew I’d want them because in the back of my head I’ve been coveting a good pair of olive pants for at least 6 months now. I can wear these with plenty of shirts already in my wardrobe. I considered this purchase a major score for myself. I almost bought the beige ones as well to call it a day, but then I stopped and put them back.

I planned on buying the beige ones as a way of passing on the Pas de Calais pants.  However, I realized I do in fact want those Pas de Calais pants. I’m allowed to have pants that cost $29.90 and pants that cost $320.00 in my wardrobe. I found their online shop and they have them in beige. They look really nice and I don’t need yet another pair of black pants. They are expensive and if need be, I can return them. I haven’t decided when I’ll buy them, but I do plan on it. Maybe when the weather gets a little bit warmer (and to see if they go on sale anytime soon). Eventually, there will be yet another pair of pants in my collection and then I think I will have enough.

Moderation is key and always has been, even if it takes us a damn long time to get there. It’s not about buying too much or showing off how little we have. It’s all about having enough and my enough is going to be very different from everyone elses’ enough.


Defining expenses


This was Friday’s outfit. It was a bit warm and this polyester shirt works really well for that in-between weather temperature range. I need a jacket for going outside, but inside I’m fine with just this. It’s another reminder that not all of my fast-fashion buys are bad things as long as I keep using them and this shirt has stood the test of time. I’ve had it for round 7 years I think.

I looked at the purchases I’ve made thus far this month and the amount is shocking. I’m nearly at $300, which is the limit I set for myself per month of discretionary shopping. What have I bought?

  • 1 gift for a friend
  • 3 items from Sephora (replenishment hair pomade, replenishment blush, new eye brow brush/razor – all of these were things I needed to replace/replenish because I use them regularly)
  • 1 affogato
  • another affogato and bag of coffee so I can make some at home
  • 1 Nintendo amiibo (another gift – for Z – not necessary but fun) to use for playing Zelda
  • 2 bags of hot chocolate (these were expensive, but so worth it – it’s like drinking molten dark chocolate bars)
  • haircut
  • Saturday brunch with Z

So here is where I’m starting to get fuzzy with what I need to consider an “expense”.

Do I count the haircut, the gift for my friend, and the Sephora items as discretionary spending? If not, then I’m still well within my range. However, it is extra spending I hadn’t anticipated because it happens infrequently and isn’t budgeted into my monthly expenses. Does that mean I need to up my monthly expenses by another $100 or so to include all these “oh yeah, I forgot I need to get that” sort of spending. It’s stuff I need and use, but not all the time. With beauty products, it’s a total crap shoot because I only buy that sort of stuff maybe every 3 or 6 months (or longer), depending on the item.

I suppose looking at that list and seeing that it all only cost $300 really isn’t that bad, but again adding up all those little things made me realize how quickly I can spend money without thinking about it.

How do you treat those random-but-necessary purchases in your spending? Chalk it up to extra spending that month? Be conscious of that spending so you spend less discretionary? Throw it into your budget and that gives you more of a buffer each month you don’t buy those items? Take the total cost of what you need (roughly) and then divide it out by 12 so you have that amount “counted for” in your monthly budgeting (or however you do it)?

I also got my raise this month, so my budget needs to be re-assessed for figuring out how much more I can save each month.


These were my Valentine Day flowers I found on my desk when I got home. I don’t like red roses so Z has always gotten me ones in the colors I like for roses: orange, lavender or some mix of orange-yellow or pink-white.

I’ve been lusting over these two pairs of pants. Both are expensive. The first is navy wool pants from La Garconne. I don’t need another pair of wool navy pants, but these look so nice and casual-ish. The second pair is linen by Pas de Calais (sold at La Garconne) and they are twice as much as the first pair. I want the linen pair more. I feel like they would be a great alternative (dependent upon weather) to jeans for a regular pair of pants to wear. I’m still kinda considering the ES Clyde work pant as well.

Since the very end of December I’ve been doing much better with keeping my workout routine. I’ve not been perfect, but definitely a lot better. As a result, I’ve started to see quite a bit of muscle development in areas I had no idea I could have such strong muscles. Due to the boot, I’m restricted to mostly upper body and core strength. My arms feel…. meaty now. They are much more muscular than they used to be. Even my forearms are stronger.

As of January 1st I could do 8 chin ups and 3 pull ups. As of Friday, February 16th, I am up to 5 pull ups and 13 chin ups. My bench press weight has gone up by 20 lbs (was 30, now at 50 and stalling bad there) and my overhead press has gone up 10 lbs (stalling badly there too). I can’t seem to get many more in than 4 on overhead press and 5 on bench press, but I can do a few more reps at that amount than I used to. I still hate body rows and haven’t made much improvement there. My push ups have gotten a lot better as well.

It’s very strange for me to have so much upper body strength now. My legs were always the strongest part of my body due to running and strength training. I feel slightly unbalanced now because my legs are so weak and my arms so strong.


Lazy, most of the time


This past Wednesday’s outfit was a repeat of last Wednesday’s outfit and I think in general it’s my favorite.

Hardly anyone was in the office Thursday due to the parade and Friday I just DGAF. I did get a compliment from a coworker on my top though, which surprised me.

This whole week has been full of people saying things that make me want to slap them. Or better yet, record them, then play the conversation back to them and let them listen to how biased/racist/ignorant/selfish/entitled they sound. I was going to title this post Why Do People Say Things, and give five different examples I’d heard throughout the week, but it’s late on Sunday and I’m feeling lazy. I also have jury duty tomorrow so I’m grumpy.

Btw, thanks for the kind words about the mugging. It was 3 years ago and I’m over it, but I’m still very cautious about certain things.

As I was folding laundry just now I thought about the most worn items of clothing in my wardrobe. Most of them are lounge or workout clothes. I thought of how odd it is that I want new tops and pants and shoes for wearing out, but when it comes to the clothes I wear the most and never bother with replacing until they fall apart are the ones that really are “workhorse” items. I don’t care about the pit stains, or any stains on them for that matter, or maybe a little hole here or there. As long as they are still functional I will keep wearing the tattered shirts to run in and the threadbare sweatpants and the shoes that have lost all cushioning capabilities 100 miles ago. Is it because of vanity and the idea of being seen in nice clothes makes me want to make sure I buy enough variety for wearing to work or when I’m going out? Or is it I don’t like spending more money than necessary on workout clothes because I know I’ll run them into the ground anyway and I’d rather wait until that happens before bothering to buy more that will have the same fate?

I think it’s the latter now I’ve written that out. Again, I can be very lazy about some things and do I find workout clothing atrociously expensive. I know athleisure-wear is a thing and many wardrobes are based on it, but to me – workout clothes are just for working out. Well, with the exception of the leggings I use as warmth layer in winter.