This past week I had another whirlwind conference outing. I wasn’t there for the whole event, but getting up at 4:30 am for a 48 hour marathon of flights, booth assembly, several mini-client meetings, a huge dinner event and then another huge lunch event were quite enough to knock me out. When I got back to the office on Thursday I was a zombie.
Michelle posted recently about burn out and while I don’t think I’ve experienced it to quite the degree she has, I think I’m starting to question whether or not I want to maintain this kind of madness with my job. I wasn’t supposed to be going to many events this year, and yet I seem to get roped into more and more of them. The last three weren’t exactly planned until it was suddenly decided “OMG JEN MUST GO BECAUSE CLIENT X WILL BE THERE.” Considering I’m handling 90% of the client accounts at this point in time, I suppose I should’ve expected as much, but I’m still not all that happy about it.
However, I’m wondering if what I’m feeling is burn out or disillusionment with what I’m doing in this industry? There have been several events pop up over several months that have really made me pause and question: Do I want to tolerate this shit? I mentioned before there seems to be rampant cases of sexism going on and it’s not gotten much better. My manager threw me under the bus in a meeting over shit that wasn’t technically my fault and while everyone else in the room realized he was being an ass, the overall sexist sentiment behind it pissed me off more than anything else.
Even at the conference I attended this week I got a large dose of white male entitlement and sexism. Male managers talking about female coworkers as “the girls”. A speaker in a seminar making a point about customer relationships and then using his wife as a poor example and basically shaming her in a bad light (sexist). As soon as he started his personal analogy about his wife he paused, noticing that a quarter of the audience were women, but still stumbled through with his comment. No woman laughed, but several men did. I mentally checked out and started playing games on my phone – not giving two fucks about anything he said anymore. Also, calling my manager out on his completely unnecessary judgmental statements, which is something I do on a regular basis, rounded out my trip as a usual: get me the fuck away from every man alive feeling.
Aside from my general work malaise, I decided to thin out my wardrobe and sell some items. I spent an entire Saturday photographing, measuring and posing in clothes. It felt like work. I spent another Saturday editing the photos and putting up postings. I’ve sold half of them so far, mostly because I’m underselling by quite a large amount. It’s not so much that I want to get a lot of money for these clothes, but instead I’d like to send them off to other people than donate/dispose of them.
That being said, I don’t ever want to have to do this again. It really made me aware of why I should be very picky about the clothes I buy from now on and always know that they will be in my wardrobe for the long haul.