Struggling

The end of the year was very rough and I’m still reeling emotionally from everything that’s happened. On top of that I’ve been having some health issues as well. Nothing serious, but enough to drive me to tears at any given moment on any given day between the two. I’ve been crying a lot lately. Luckily, my boss is being very understanding and I may start working from  home one day out of the week to not only get done necessary work but also for my peace of mind.

And now winter is finally in full swing with snow in the forecast, snow on the ground, cloudy skies, and bitter cold temperatures. This isn’t really helping the depression much, but Z got us stocked up on our favorite hot chocolate recently. It’s 70% cocoa that we mix with frothy, boiling milk and it turns out like old fashioned, super thick drinking chocolate – Victorian style. We also have some with cinnamon and cayenne for a spice kick. Z’s also taken to buying me random bouquets of flowers to have something pretty nearby.

The photos above are a couple weeks old. Last week I ended up wearing the same jeans, socks and shoes for three days straight at work. I only changed what sweater I wore. I felt like I was reverting back to an old way of dressing, but also wondering if maybe that really is my default and I’ve been lying to myself this whole time about what I like and want to wear. I’m sure part of it is the cold. I go into Simple Uniform Mode when I’m uncomfortable so the cold and my current emotional state have a lot to do with that. Still, I felt comfortable last week being boring and dressing myself super casually. I didn’t care at all. I also didn’t take any photos of my outfits last week, except maybe the last one above. I think that was from last Monday.

I’ve not wanted to buy any clothing and took all shopping related bookmarks off my browser. I know there’s the whole “out of sight, out of mind” psychology at work and that may be the best way to go about this shopping ban. I did have a large credit on the Yesstyle site from recent returns so instead of getting more clothes I used all of the credit on beauty products. I got refills on my staples and got toners I’ve had samples of I’ve liked in the past. It’ll be a huge order when I get it in so I’ll be good for the entire year and possibly longer. Once I get this credit order the Yesstyle bookmark will also be deleted from my browser and that’ll be the last one.

Although I laugh because Z and I spent a fair amount of money yesterday at IKEA. So although I’m not shopping for clothes, I have been buying other things.

And here’s where I justify those purchases for no good reason at all…. Z wanted to get a desk for the guest room so he could properly sit somewhere to work at home that’s comfortable since he freezes at his desk in the basement. Lately I’d also felt my study was a bit stale and I was looking at new desks. So off to IKEA we went in search of new office stuffs.

In the end, I did not get a desk and decided to work with what I had, which is an old IKEA dining room table (Ingo) that’ve been using for many years now. Z bought the bamboo desk table top with adjustable legs. We both got foot rests that also serve as mini storage ottomans and I got a new rug for the study. The new rug is smaller so it makes the seating area look more separate from my desk area. I also moved my desk arrangement and changed out my desk chair with another one we had in the house. I have a LOT more space now in the study and a better view of the artwork I’ve put on the walls.

I also recently got a new receiver and speakers for my TV in the study. I’ve been playing Zelda: Breath of the Wild again because it gives me something to channel my thoughts on and keep my mind busy. Having proper surround sound has made it much more enjoyable. It’s very relaxing – simply running around and exploring. Z makes fun of me for not doing anything related to the main quests, but he then says I can play however I want. I’m having more fun just wandering everywhere and doing side quests, which in some cases I think are more challenging than the main ones. I’m also obsessed with collecting all the weird outfits available.

I know I set out to have somewhat regular updates before, but now that the worst has hit, dealing with the aftermath has left me numb. I’m struggling a lot more than I anticipated, so in all honesty I can’t say when I’ll be updating.

3 thoughts on “Struggling

Add yours

  1. I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time! Hope things start looking better sooner rather than later. I like your outfits. Especially the ones with those grey pants — very cool. Thinking of you. Hugs!

    Like

  2. Hello there, funnily enough you popped in my mind last night. I was having a catch up on my WordPress and was looking for you.
    I hope that whatever you’re going through improves, and it’s great that you’ve got support around you.
    I love an Ikea purchase! And you look great in each of your outfits 🙂 x

    Like

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