Buying all the things – black

The mule shoe hunt continues. After a failed DSW browse last weekend I went online and bought a pair of mules from Frye, but promptly returned them because I felt like I’d kill someone by flinging the shoes off my feet and hitting people in the head. It was cold this week anyway so I didn’t really need open backed shoes.

monday

Monday’s outfit: not caring. While these Brass Clothing ponte pants are nice, I’m kinda over them and only hate-wear them when I want a skinny black pant look. Note to self: get skinny black pants I want to wear, not hate-wear.

tuesday sweatertuesday

Tuesday: feeling black. The situ at work with one of my clients starting boiling today and half of a department at work was 86’d for incompetence. The director isn’t dicking around and will cut anyone not worth their salt. Unfortunately, that puts them in the situation of having all production work bottle-neck at their area.

Fun note: Although you can’t really tell too much from the photos, my arm muscles are fierce. I took off my cardigan for a bit and the GM  – halfway down the hall – noticed and said: Damn girl, you’ve got some guns! He asked me to flex for him. Aside from one of the other directors saying I look fit, this was the first time someone’s noticed my muscle gains. I take a certain amount of pride in that, although it’s making wearing skinny/ tight fitted clothes difficult. Most normal clothes aren’t made for muscular people.

wednesday

Wednesday: this day was doomed from the get-go. I had on an all Yohji outfit – all black again – and was so pleased with myself for it. I was actually wearing a skirt! And then I got toothpaste all over myself because I have butter fingers and my electric toothbrush went rogue on me. Looking back on it – yes, it was hilarious, but at the time I was miserable and late to work because I had to completely change my outfit.

The situ with the client boiled over and I was super stressed out most of the day. I felt flustered during our usual call and my boss came in and saved the day – like he normally does. I still have a lot to learn.

thursday

Thursday: work is getting even worse with delays and my client’s company taking their sweet time getting information to us so we can finish our inspections and get product out the door. My boss took me out to lunch to de-stress. He could tell I was struggling and we discussed where the whole situation was going wrong and how we could make it better and to assure me I’m doing a good job, but maybe my sense of responsibility is too severe because I’m taking things personally. I put a lot of weight on myself for being the liaison for the client when even he knows that not everything is in my control.

At first, I didn’t even want to go to lunch because I thought I should stay and work, but I’m glad we went out. Getting out of the office was nice and I was much more relaxed and “over it” the latter half of the day. I even called my client’s engineer to light a fire under his ass in getting us data and let him know: we cannot work on ANYTHING until we get his specs. *drop mic*

friday

Friday: the entire morning hours were wasted by shit data provided by the client’s team. One of his people got back to us at 2 pm: Uh… yeah, so all the numbers I gave you – they’re wrong. *head**desk* Over. It. It’s ALL on them now and I’m done wasting time. I tell our people to shut it down. We aren’t spending another second on this crap until they get their heads straight. A coworker laughed and told me I should’ve had a double scotch last night like she told me to. I said I only had a beer because I’d been drinking scotch every other night this week. The engineering group bust into laughter, saying: she’s one of us!

I started doing more work for another client this week and this new one is a real piece of work – not in the good way. She only hears what she wants and has laser focused tunnel vision where she basically ignores everything you say until you end up saying what she wants. I hate this bitch already. My boss says not to get involved with her game and just give her what the answer is once and let it go. Ignore the rest because it’s not worth getting pulled into it. She’ll continue with her Spanish Inquisition style bullshit but it’s not necessary to answer to it if what we’ve given her is correct in the first place.

And the last nail in this week’s coffin: no admin support for me. The one interviewee we all liked out of 80 applicants took a job elsewhere. We are at square one again and I’m no where near getting the help I need so I can focus more on learning my other roles. FML.

Saturday I got dressed, but didn’t take a photo. We went to see Isle of Dogs and it was fantastic. I’ve learned a lot of Japanese from watching so much anime so when some characters spoke Japanese in the film I could easily get the gist of what they were saying due to lots of words I recognized. It was nice being out with friends for a bit. Everyone has been in hermit mode this winter. We are also trying to resurrect Food Night, which is just one night out of the week (usually Wednesdays) when all the friends get together to have dinner and hang out.

sunday

Sunday (today): I wore my All-Bird shoes but I folded down the backs of them so I wore them mule-like. This allowed me to have mostly warm feet and not agitate my ankle. I went out to the mall to mule-shop again but came home empty handed. The mall was super depressing too. The selection was dismal at Bloomingdales and I noticed half of the Macy’s second floor was completely empty. I wonder if they’ll close that one down. I did see some nice Vince mules, but I knew I could get something more of what I wanted for cheaper online.

I ended up coming home and ordering the Gwen Slide by EF. I like how low heeled they are and I think they’ll go with the majority of my clothes. I find it funny how one of the reviews calls them “vamp” but she means it in a negative way. I think I’m guaranteed to like them then.

My mental state of mind has been very fragile lately. A lot of it has to do with work, clearly, but a lot of it also has to do with my ankle. I’ve had Z examine my legs several times this week and he’s assured me I’m being paranoid. There is no bump coming back on my bad leg. Because I’ve worn the brace for 4 months and kept my foot at a right angle, the natural bumps and creases in my skin around the ankle are completely smooth. My whole foot and ankle area is baby smooth soft as well and I hate it. Wearing house slippers hurt my feet because they are so incredibly sensitive now. And now that I’m moving my ankle and getting the natural creases in it again I’m getting overly paranoid and freaking out because those creases cause little bumps in the skin and that’s just it – it’s just skin, not a bump in relation to a torn tendon. I know that’s what it is and Z has constantly told me so, but I’m still freaked out a little. I do have a little bit of pain, but it’s more due to soreness in that area from moving it again. This week I spent more time doing slow, controlled stretches with a towel. I would only wear my boot in the morning and take it off mid day. I do more walking around at work than I realized, especially now that I’m chasing down more issues with production on my client’s work. I’ll probably do another week of half and half at work and add some different stretches this week to get more range of motion back. My left leg is so pitiful and weak!

This fragile state has also made me prone to therapy shopping. Gretchen’s post about not knowing how to dress herself really hit a chord with me. I feel the same way. I’ve lost 20 lbs since I was married  just over 3 years ago and before, dressing was never really an issue for me. Now, I’m questioning the fit of everything and not sure how I should look. I know I veer on the side of quirky and it’s deliberate because I hate the idea of dressing like everyone else. [side note: i’ve used the word “hate” a lot in this post – again state of mind…] However, sometimes I wonder if I’m trying too hard or if I’m letting mainstream ideals of dress crowd out my natural tendency to be rebellious. I still don’t know. All I do know is that when Gretchen wrote: “I don’t want to wear flowy, drapey, oversized things, I want hard, refined and BLACK.  I want rigid and crisp and clean.  Give me all the Yohji Yamamoto please.” a light switch turned on and so did my OCD button because I went online, spend three days debating on items and yesterday bought 3 black items of clothing from Yohji Yamamoto and Issey Miyake. Whether or not they work out is TBD. It may take a week or so to get them because they are all coming from Japan. If they do work out – and I have a feeling they will – I have planned a post about shopping for these designers because they are all second hand from discounters. But for now, yes, I’m having a moment too – more due to general stress from outside issues. And for now – give me, too, all the black, crisp clothes from Japanese designers please. And a fucking pair of mules.

5 thoughts on “Buying all the things – black”

  1. Will you continue to focus on upper body workouts once you get full mobility back with your ankle? I’m impressed that you’ve maintained a vigorous workout regimen with that limitation. I’d blow up like a balloon if I had to cut cardio out of my routine.

    I’m also very attracted to an all-black aesthetic. I think navy or gray looks better with my skin tone, though. Monochrome always feels “right,” though. I saw Grechen’s post, too. I feel the same way. I’m getting used to subtle changes in my body shape. Stuff I notice, but I doubt anyone else would. Thankfully I’ve managed to stave off mid-life weight gain, so I’m wearing the same sizes as before… but clothes still don’t fit the same. It’s not like going up a size is the answer – in fact, that would probably produce an even worse fit. I think I just need to bite the bullet and take a stack of clothes to the tailor and ask for advice.

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    1. Before all this started with the boot, I would do weight training M,W,F and cardio the rest of the week. My weight training days were more full body with 3-4 exercises, usually one arm and two leg. Now, I’ve been doing 2 arm and 1-2 core. When I can do cardio again, I may go back to my old regime or maybe alternate the days I do legs and arms to do more exercises for those areas. I’m not sure yet. I really miss doing cardio though. I know it’ll be quite a while yet before I can run, but right now I just want to go for a walk!

      Going to a tailor is a great idea. I hadn’t thought about that. I don’t have any good ones around me that I know of though. I had pants hemmed at a place nearby, but they did a rather crap job, so I need to look around more.

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