For the end of the week and into week (and even now) I’m in jeans.
I have one more full week wearing the boot. Then I can start tapering off and to be honest, I’m fucking terrified. I really want my ankle to be ok this time and I know I can’t rush the tapering period. It’s slightly stressing me out. I know what I’m supposed to do and what exercises I should do, but I’m still scared because I don’t want to mess up anything. This past week I took notice of how differently I do things now because I’ve been wearing this damn boot for so long. Some of these habits I know will not help me from a physical therapy aspect. I’ll have to really be conscious of what I’m doing, which will be difficult while at work.When being focused on other things, habits can pop up that I may not entirely be conscious of until after the fact.
Looking at the above photos made me think of how comfortable I looked and felt in those clothes. Jeans aren’t the most comfortable bottoms to wear, but they are reliable and end up as a go-to for me. So my question to myself is: am I trying too hard to wear other clothes? Some clothes I wear and while I do love them for their style and look, I somehow getting the feeling like they own me and not the other way around. So am I kidding myself in thinking I could dress that differently like I want to? I’m not sure yet.
In jaw-dropping, I-did-what-now news: I bought a while button down shirt from Everlane. White. Shirt. Who am I? It’s on the way and I always know I can return it if I don’t like it, but still…. I’m taken aback at myself. I know that news is absolutely a “ppffftt, please…” decision for many but if anyone has read this blog long enough they’ll know – I don’t do white. I also know there are a bajillion blog posts about the Quintessential White Shirt or Perfect White Shirt or Classic White Shirt and these posts go for both tees and button downs, but I am just not that person. ok, I’ll make an exception for button downs, but tees are still a nope right now. However, thinking again that maybe I’m pushing my own envelope with style too hard lately or trying to get out of the uniform phase for no other reason than… to say I can… I still want to test myself a little. So what if my uniform is jeans and button downs? I technically still have a lot of choices within that uniform range. I’m not giving up though on wearing other pants and still intend on buying the PdC ones… eventually.
I also think I’m feeling run-down by wearing the boot and this long ass winter so I’m getting grouchy for wanting to wear outfits I know will look good currently in my wardrobe, but simply don’t come across with my having to wear the boot and restriction to one shoe.
On a side note to this already stream-of-conscious rambling post (because I have no idea if it’s making sense and doubt I’ll edit it much), Elaine’s post Why a Shopping Ban is not the Solution really struck a chord with me. I get it and totally agree. The one time I was on any sort of “ban” was for a 4 year period when I was unemployed. By the end of it, when I had a stable job again and able to afford shopping for work clothes it finally hit me: I’ve not bought anything – not even socks nor underwear – for 4 years. It wasn’t a self-inflicted ban, but rather one out of necessity. So I guess that doesn’t entirely count because the idea of bans is to make yourself more conscious of what you’re doing, right? I honestly wasn’t even conscious of it, plus I was still spending money on other things because I felt shopping for clothes was too extravagant for me at the time. I know myself and feel if I deliberately put myself on a ban, it would be trying to hold back a tsunami with a few sand bags. Even if I did make it through a period of time, I know it wouldn’t change anything once it’s over because that’s not how I operate. I am conscious of what I spend money on and tend to postpone buying things all in one go so I’m not freaked out by my credit card statements. Instead, I just plan them out gradually, but even that is a very loose interpretation. Sometimes I change my mind by postponing and sometimes I just jump on it because I have an addictive personality and when I get fixated on certain things nothing will stop the OCD train.
One final totally random note: Z and I watched the latest Star Wars again last night and now I’m obsessed with wanting wear everything linen. The movie was fine, but I since I’ve seen it before I found myself paying more attention to the costuming. All the rebels were wearing muted, earth toned colors and nearly all of it was linen. It was obvious from the weaving and texture during close-up shots. There was some tencel or rayon (General Holdo’s outfit being the most obvious), but most of the rest looked to be cotton or linen. The pilot uniforms of course had plastics of some sort. The other costumes I loved were the red Praetorian Guards whole hung around in Snoke’s chamber. Lots of plastic going on there, but I loved the look of those outfits. I definitely have a duality when it comes to clothing and love the casual, relaxed natural look just as much as the tight, formal constricting look.