You know that sound Charlie Brown makes, when he tries to kick the football and Lucy steals it away at the last second? He lets out a yell and you can tell it’s a mixture of frustration at what happened, but also knowing it was going to happen anyway? That’s been my week thus far. And it’s only Tuesday!
Sweater from Yesstyle, Grana jeans.
Boring outfit is boring – in photo. My boss actually complimented me on it and was shocked I was wearing jeans. I wondered what rock he’d been under.
I completely forgot to take my outfit photo yesterday. I’m still stressing out a little over the changes happening at work and yesterday I got home and immediately changed into workout clothes without thinking. I was halfway done with my workout when I remembered.
I’ve been having a lot of those, “wait…..what?” moments. This whole month I’ve been good about not spending any money (just a couple movie tickets and an affogato) and I kept saying to myself: Ok, don’t spend until February. Then I’ll look at my credit card balance and check if my predictions for discretionary spending were on target so I can set up a proper budget for shopping. And before I knew it, it’s almost February and I’ve not had two minutes to really think about spending because I’ve been so busy. Plus, I’ll need to reassess my expenses again because this month saw me being offered a 20% raise and new position. Wait… what?
I’ve been a nervous wreck the past week and a half because I knew this was coming. It’s not as if I wasn’t prepared for it, but A) this is a whole new set of responsibilities that I really need to step up my game for and B) my new numbers would affect my choice of benefits program now that I’m eligible and the deadline is February 1st – hurry the hell up, where is my paperwork, BOSS!? (No worries now, got it taken care of – finally.) My biggest worry currently is being properly trained. When I first started working for this company, I had someone sit with me and teach me everything. Now, I’m having to scramble and search for the information myself. I do have plenty of help from some people, but the main ones who could train me best are the busiest and already being pulled in 20 different directions. I’m trying to do what I can with what resources I know I have right now, but it’s still very piecemeal.
One of the directors told me she’s really glad I’m doing so well and I’m very much needed there. She said I’m a “go-getter” and I corrected her. I’m not a go-getter at all. There’s nothing I want to go get at the company and if it came down to that, I’d probably fail. However, I have a good work ethic and sense of responsibility. If I’m going to be paid well to do a job, I need to make sure I’m proving that it was worthwhile to put me in that position. That is what I’m afraid of most – not being able to prove that I’m worth what I’m being paid to do. I’ve worked at plenty of places where I’ve been severely underpaid and know that I should demand more for what I’m doing. Now, I’m in the opposite position of being given a lot more than I was expecting and it’s making me panic, wondering how I’ll get the information I need to do the job well. My new position is very similar to other ones I’ve done in the past. It’s essentially customer service work. However, before I was mostly working in retail. Now I’m working for a corporation where the “customer” is another company and losing one of them could mean losing tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars instead of just a couple hundred or a couple thousand. I understand that the amount of money I’m being paid correlates to the amount of responsibility I have to keep these customers happy because of how much they are spending with our company. But it’s all still very new to me and I think my little freak outs lately are keeping me centered and anxious to do as much as I can as quickly as I can.
I don’t even know if what I just wrote makes sense, but it’s cathartic to write it out. Z just asked if I want to play more Zelda and my attention span and focus for this post just disintegrated. When do I want to play Zelda? ALWAYS.