Evolution of a Want


Shirt from Yesstyle, jacket by Journal Standard, Uniqlo pants.

It only dawned on me just now that I wore two linen items today. Both the shirt and jacket are linen – of very different kinds. The shirt is knit in a jersey way and it’s very lightweight. On the other hand, the Journal Standard jacket is very thick linen and although it’s thick and sturdy, it’s actually extremely soft as well.

A blazer would’ve looked better for this outfit, or maybe a long cardigan in a different color, but I have neither of those so I just grabbed the linen jacket for an extra layer of warmth. I actually thought I had found a need in my wardrobe – a blazer or a cardigan in a dark color – but then I realized I don’t wear blazers at all so it’s kinda pointless just to get one because I thought it would look better with one outfit. I also have on my workout leggings underneath, so the pants look a bit scrunched up more than they normally would.

I’ve been thinking a lot about clothes I want, mostly because I’m restricting myself this month from any extraneous purchases. Nothing like tempting yourself by putting a self-imposed ban on something. The horrendous cyclical nature of setting ones’ self up for disappointment and failure practically writes itself. There’s a whole process that goes on in my head. I obsess over the item to a degree that has me checking various sites for different pricing. Then, depending on the price of the item, I’ll look for something similar to it and price it out. After a couple of days it hits me that if I’m not willing to pay the price for what I want, why should I bother with something less than the item or a kinda-sorta replacement? Lastly, I look back on my own wardrobe to figure out if I have anything remotely like the item and why haven’t I worn it already?

The majority of my autumn/winter wardrobe is dark: navy and black. Lots of black. While I’m not a fan of white in general, I do kinda want some lighter colors in my wardrobe. I’m also thinking of ways to make more summer wear work for the winter – with lots of layers. Although most of those layers are dark… I haven’t worn these Uniqlo pants in a while and it’s because they are lightweight, so I wore leggings underneath to make them work for winter wear. I don’t think I’d have worn them a couple weeks ago when the high was barely 10F, but they’ll work with layers for slightly warmer weather.

Confession time: I’m sick of wearing this boot. My foot itches now because the skin is dry. I put on moisturizer after I get out of the shower, but constantly having my leg in some brace during day or night is not helping matters. It’s kinda sad I’ve gotten so used to wearing it now I can walk mostly normally with it on. A lot of people don’t even notice it when they see me. That’s how “normal” it’s become now. I want my tendonitis to go away for good so I really need to keep it on for a little longer as insurance that the tendon has healed. But fucking hell I really am sick of wearing it and I want to wear other shoes! I’ve been obsessively screen shopping shoes for over a week now.

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