Making an effort

sunday
Uniqlo top, Rachel Comey lure pant. 

Each time I do outfit photos I have to set up the tripod. No photo is the same because I have to move some furniture out of the way to set up the tripod and then take few shots. After taking a few for today I had gotten some full photos and seeing my face in them had me thinking: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I LOOK SO OLD! The lighting wasn’t flattering to my skin tone or the angle it was on my face. I haven’t washed my face or done my hair yet today. I have epic bedhead because of how I sleep and my hair is extremely short, so it spikes up in odd places and looks like something tried to nest in it – for a week. But more than that, my face. The lines, the creases, the dark under eye circles…. “My poor husband” is all I could think. He’s 9 years younger than me. We started dating when he was barely 20. I’m not one to base my looks on others’ opinions, but if there is someone who I do make the effort for and want to look nice for – it’s my husband. So getting older and it starting to show is something I’ve always struggled with.

I might sound shallow and narcissistic for saying this, but when I was younger I was always told how beautiful I am. In college, “Jen has the perfect body” was a common refrain among my friends. I won’t deny some of it went to my head. Vanity is unavoidable. Everyone likes being told they are beautiful and given compliments. This was before my metabolism went *poof- bye-bye* and before my skin tone became sallow (thanks genes from my mother’s side) and the lines showed up on my forehead and around the edges of my mouth. Knowing I am getting older and these symptoms will only get worse with age  sucker punches me in the gut emotionally. For the longest time I was even told I look ten years younger than I really am, but I’ve not been hearing that as often as I used to. This sounds so terrible to admit, or is it? I’m being brutally honest with myself here – not hearing things I’ve always heard in the past has had some affect on me now that I’ve noticed the silence.

I am trying to keep myself in shape – or rather, get myself back into shape. During my 30s I ballooned out a bit and now have The Roll around my stomach that is so hard to get rid of. The weight is down – that part is done, but reshaping the body is a whole different matter. Part of me wonders if wearing skinny low-rise jeans exacerbated the problem. Is there any research on that? You know, muffin top syndrome? I totally had it.

This is not at all what the title of this post was supposed to be about! I had originally meant I’m making more of an effort to take care of my clothes and to get dressed on the weekends when I know I’m not doing anything (like today) and it somehow devolved into some seriously depressing, navel-gazing pity party about aging!

2 thoughts on “Making an effort”

  1. I can relate. Completely. Until very recently, I never had to worry about my waist. Around 37 or 38, my metabolism tanked. I swear it happened overnight. I woke up one morning and everything was soft. Now, I’m still wearing the same size clothing but nothing fits the way I want it to. It would probably be worthwhile to hire a trainer to get make sure I’m getting the most out of the time I already spend working out, but I don’t belong to a gym (other than the ultra exclusive “gym” located in my basement)… Deep down I know the real answer to avoid mid-life weight gain is to eat less, but that sounds so dismal. I’d rather work out 2 hrs/day than count calories.

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    1. Isn’t that the worst when you know the clothes you had used to fit a certain way and now they just look…off? I went through that too. I ended up gaining 20+ pounds in my 30s and had to buy a lot of newer clothes. I ended up donating or throwing out older stuff and now I’ve lost most of the weight, but the body is not the same anymore. Getting older and seeing so much change in features and body can be very disheartening at times.

      Liked by 1 person

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